Easy as 1, 2, 3

I'm told that when dealing with kids, keep it simple. That's why I came up with 3 easy rules that encompass all a child needs to know in order to peacefully grow up in my home.

Rule #1: WTAM

WTAM stands for Would This Annoy Mom? I teach my children to ask themselves this before doing anything. That loud, repetitive cackling sound? You bet that annoys me; don't do it. Whining? Don't even think about it. Saying my name over and over again? Just. Don't.

I borrowed this reminder from the church crowd. Remember WWJD (What Would Jesus Do)? That acronym was sold on bracelets, Bible covers, t-shirts, bumper stickers, and anything else the Christian bookstore could think of to sell. And so in that same preventative spirit, I decided to make it simple for my kids by providing 4 simple letters to keep themselves in check.

Rule #2: Clean Up After Yourself

Really, who doesn't have this rule. But let me ask you this, how do you enforce this rule? I have a 2 step approach to implement this.

1) I throw it away. I find that my best cleaning is done with a big, black trash bag. Once it's in the garbage, we never have to put it away again. When my kids go through some economic depression in the future, they can look back on this time as the fat years when mom chucked the broken toys instead of fixing them.

2) Ban the kids from whatever made the mess. Some parents think that motor skills determine when a kid can cut with scissors, use glue, or enjoy play-doh. For me the litmus test is whether or not they can clean up after themselves. Honestly, I could care less what they are making. Whether they are tinkering with land mines or blowing flour from a hair dryer, it is all fine with me. But if they can't clean up after themselves, then they have no business doing any of those activities.

Rule #3: Make Me Laugh

At some point, the kids will break these rules. But if they can make me laugh, then I'll let them go scot-free.

Only one of my children as taken this last rule seriously. The other day, Pearl came to me with a pen in one hand and a clipboard in another.

"I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I want you to respond with very funny, funny, not very funny and not at all funny," she said writing something down on the paper. She began to tell me some jokes that the kids learned from school and told over the dinner table over the past few weeks. "Now I need you to tell me the funniest joke that you've ever heard in your life."

"Pearl, why are you asking me all of this?"

"I want to understand your humor so that when I get into trouble, I can make you laugh and not get into trouble."

This whole process tickled me so much that I think I might gloss over the next few of her infractions.

On the surface, these 3 rules probably come across as selfish. But I assure you that I'm teaching them a valuable life lesson. We all need to learn to make the one in charge happy, right?  Doesn't everyone look busy every time the boss comes around? It's no different in my house. As the old adage goes, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."